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In Loving Memory Of
Tyler Gerrit Edward Boonstra

May 12th, 1981, - March 15th, 1995
My After-Death Communications With My Son
A Mother's Love Never Dies

I Am With You Always

When I tell them that you're not gone

And you're not far away,

They look at me and shake their heads

They don't know what to say.

When I tell them that I saw you

In the middle of the night,

They tell me that I was dreaming

And that it will be alright.

When I tell them that I can hear you laugh

And I can see you smile,

They tell me that you are dead

And that I am in denial.

But I know that I am sane

And what I say and see are true,

And I know that you are with me

And you will help me make it through,

All the years of tears and pain,

Until I can be with you.

Lovingly written for Ty, Two months after his death by his mom.

From Death Shall Have No Dominion

Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;

Though lovers be lost love shall not;

And death shall have no dominion.

-Dylan Thomas

On May 12th, 1981 I was blessed with the birth of my only son Tyler. He was the perfect child. He was born with lots of dark hair and the most beautiful blue eyes. He weighed 6 pounds and 7 ounces. He was a quiet child even at birth. As he grew my dreams for him grew with him. He was a very shy gentle boy. He was sweet, loving, sensitive and compassionate. He loved people and he loved animals. His gentle ways endeared me to him, but I feared for him because he was fragile and sensitive in a world that would think him weak. I tried to raise him to respect and to be kind to others, and he was. He was an exceptionally intelligent child. His grades were outstanding. He was also moody and was compelled to excel in everything he attempted. His best was never enough for him. He preferred books and his computer to people. He did not know how to mean or cruel, and was patient and was hurt when others were cruel to him. He was my best friend. Sharing many common interests we spent a lot of time together. I lost not only my son but my dearest friend. My life will never be the same again.

Courage isn't a brilliant dash,

A daring deed in a moments flash,

It isn't an instantaneous thing

Born of despair with a sudden spring.

But it's something deep in the soul of man

That is working always to serve some plan.

-Edward Guest

On March 15th, 1995 I walked into my bathroom and saw my son hanging dead. Nothing real or imagined could have prepared me for the myriad of emotions that engulfed me in spasms of waves tossing me recklessly like a storm at sea. My baby, my child, my precious son. God help me. He came to my daughter and neice that night, not in a dream but as he was in life, standing in front of them with a message for me. " I love you, I miss you, I am sorry, please take care of mommy." The exact same words to two different girls in two different homes. Even in death he wanted to comfort us. He wanted us to know that he was alright. When I heard of his visits I was comforted for about 15 minutes. My mind was racing along with my heart trying to make sense out of the senseless, the death of a child. On the day of his funeral I sat alone trying to compose myself. How could this be happening? When was I going to wake up? Suddenly the room filled with the scent of roses. So overwhelming, and comforting. I felt the presence of my friend Laird who had died less than a year before of AIDS. I knew that Laird was giving me a message that Tyler was with him. I think that Laird's visit calmed me long enough to go through the funeral without completely losing my mind.

Tyler Gerrit Edward Boonstra

To our little boy that we loved so much

Never again will we get to touch

To the precious boy we loved so dear,

We'll miss you more with each passing year.

To our little boy we loved so true,

We'll never be able to stop loving you.

To the precious boy that just left our lives

The loving memory we'll never sacrifice.

-Natasha, Loving Sister Of Tyler.

A few days after the funeral I had to get out of the house. Images of the death scene played over and over in my mind. I could not go into the bathroom alone. I hated this house for I felt in some way it had contributed to the death of my son. How was I ever going to be happy here, or ever happy again? We went to a hotel just an hour away. As we entered the room I noticed a picture on the wall. Roses entwined with a passage from the bible. It said " For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. "( John 3:16) How odd I thought even in my grief stricken state, that something like this would be hanging on the wall of the a hotel room. At about 3:00 a.m. my sister and I were sobbing I cried out in anguish "What time did your soul leave your body?" Something made me glance at the clock. The clock said 9:14 but it was really 3:00 in the morning. I found my son at 9:35 pm. ( I know the time because I did something that night I never did before in my life. I walked up to the vcr looked at the clock it said 9:35 then I went to the bathroom door to use the bathroom and found my son). The clock kept time from 9:14 on, but at sometime around 6:00 a.m. the clock went back to the right time. My husband who had slept through all of this woke up at 9:14. He was very dissapointed that he wasn't awake for this. The next night it happened again. We woke him up and he saw. My husband and sister both very skeptical about an after-life were starting to believe. My husband a creature of habit, bought the lotto tickets that Saturday as he normally did. We won $5.00 dollars over the price of Tyler's funeral. I am convinced that was Tyler's way of paying his own way.

Shortly after Tyler's death the t.v and radio would turn off or on around or at 9:14 the time of his death. On the anniversary of his death my baba's radio turned on at exactly midnight. This was his way of letting her know that he was alright. Once the bathroom filled with the scent of lilacs while my husband was taking a bath {significant because lilacs are my favorite flower and Tyler always brought them to me}. One night I was almost asleep when I looked at the foot of my bed. Tyler was sitting there. I reached out to touch him but he disappeared. Once I was sitting in my meditation room and footsteps came from down the hall and stopped just in front of me. I have felt him touch my hair. Wishful thinking? The desperate need for a bereaved mother to believe that her child is safe and happy just within her reach? Hardly. I am a well-educated, rational person who looks for a scientific explanation that could explain why these events are occurring. After a reasonable scientific explaination has been ruled out, I am content in the knowledge that my son has paid me a visit. I am comforted in the fact that an after-life exists and Tyler is there waiting for me when it is my turn to die.

An Indian Prayer

O' Great Spirit,

Whose voice I hear in the wind,

Whose breath gives life to the world, hear me.

I come to you as One of your many children,

I am small and weak,

I need your strength and wisdom,

May I walk in beauty,

Make me ever behold,

The red and purple sunset

Make my hands respect

The things that you have made

And my ears sharp to hear your voice.

Make me wise, so that I may know

The things that you have taught your children.

The lessons that you have hidden

In every leaf and rock.

Make me strong,

Not to be superior to my brothers,

But to be able to fight my greatest enemy, Myself.

Make me ever ready to come to you with straight eyes,

So that when life fades, like the fading sunset

My spirit will come to you without shame.

-Chief Dan George

Natalie's Love and Light

Joan's Mother's Memorial Site

Megan's Haven

Megan is the precious daughter of Lorrie. Megan is also in the loving hands of Tyler. He loves her and takes care of her until Lorrie is with her once again.

This beautiful award was given to me in memory of Tyler. Thank-you Lorrie for this precious gift. Megan will always be loved, missed, and remembered.

Please visit the site of my dear friend Russell who recently passed away. His precious son Ricky has touched my heart more than words can say.

Ricky Shiar

Please visit the memorial of Estelle Garfield. Estelle was a beautiful and talented actress. Estelle is the mother of my soul mate Minnie. Estelle watches over all of the children of Meeting Of Hearts. I am certain she is now directing them all in plays that she has written and produced. Please visit her site and see how beautiful she was on earth, and how beautiful she will always be in heaven.

Estelle Garfield

Grady is the only child of Karen and David Bush. Grady and Tyler have guided Karen to me and me to her, so that we can heal through friendship and the love of our children. Please visit Grady's Site.


Please visit Chantel's memorial. Chantel is the beautiful angel daughter of Shirley.

Below is a picture of me kissing a real live butterfly. I held it and kissed it and carried it on my shoulder for hours. The butterfly is a symbol that represents the resurrection. I am a member of The Compassionate Friends a self-help group for bereaved parents. TCF (The Compassionate Friends ) use the butterfly as their logo. The butterfly represents our child, and their spiritual life. That butterfly in that picture is my son coming to visit me. I am certain of that. I am so grateful that I had a camera, and a friend with me, to take this picture!

Thank-You My Precious Child For Coming To Visit With Me

For Tyler

How long will it be?

I wonder

Till we all go home again?

Seems we all have to work and wander

Till then, till then.

Why must there be such aching?

Such need, such want, such strife?

With brief touches of reassurance

That's life, that's life.

Still we feel you leading,

Through all that lies ahead,

Leaving signs we strive in reading,

Till the story has all been read.

There a place

Lies waiting,

We find you whole and strong,

Such joy there will be, such laughter

When my dear?

Not long, not long.

Lovingly Written In Memory Of Tyler By Uncle Trevor

Dedicated to VMM 1924-1999

A Grief That Can't Be Spoken

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken.

There’s a pain goes on and on.

There’s a wound that was left open,

When she took her life at dawn.

Oh my friends, my friends believe me

I would have stopped this if I could.

Her life would not be over

If I’d only understood.

There are questions left unanswered.

There is pain beyond belief.

There’s a heart in need of mending,

As I struggle with the grief.

Oh my friends, my friends keep asking,

How I can live now that she’s gone?

But I do not call this living,

Just a hell that lingers on.

The memories are ugly…

Darkened eyes so filled with pain.

Of the calm and gentle features,

Only dark and hurt remain.

Oh my friends, my friends, forgive me

That I live, and she is gone.

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken

There’s a pain goes on and on.

This grief is only spoken

On the whispered breath of dawn,

As a still and quiet calmness

Urges me, "Move on! Move on!"

Oh my friends, my friends don’t ask me

What this sacrifice was for,

Why the music must be silenced,

Why I will play no more.

There’s a grief that lives in memory,

Every note of every piece,

From a heart so full of anguish,

Will it ever be at peace?

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me

That I live and she is gone,

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken,

There’s a pain goes on and on.

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken.

There’s a pain goes on and on.

There’s a wound that was left open,

When she took her life at dawn.

Oh my friends, my friends believe me

I would have stopped this if I could.

Her life would not be over

If I’d only understood.

There are questions left unanswered.

There is pain beyond belief.

There’s a heart in need of mending,

As I struggle with the grief.

Oh my friends, my friends keep asking,

How I can live now that she’s gone?

But I do not call this living,

Just a hell that lingers on.

The memories are ugly…

Darkened eyes so filled with pain.

Of the calm and gentle features,

Only dark and hurt remain.

Oh my friends, my friends, forgive me

That I live, and she is gone.

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken

There’s a pain goes on and on.

This grief is only spoken

On the whispered breath of dawn,

As a still and quiet calmness

Urges me, "Move on! Move on!"

Oh my friends, my friends don’t ask me

What this sacrifice was for,

Why the music must be silenced,

Why I will play no more.

There’s a grief that lives in memory,

Every note of every piece,

From a heart so full of anguish,

Will it ever be at peace?

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me

That I live and she is gone,

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken,

There’s a pain goes on and on.

Forever Loved, Missed And Remembered, DeeD

If He Is So Happy, Why Do You Grieve?

The Survivors

We who are left behind

In the shadow of the valley of death

We know about sorrow from the bones out.

We who choose to stay behind

And not follow our loved ones through the portal of death

We are the brave ones.

We who survive abandonment

By children who left unwillingly (includes suicide)

Struggle through the the lonely night, into the empty day.

We who drink this cup of sorrow

Need to remember the joy

That carved the cup so deep.

-Anna Olson In Memory of Her Daughter Jenny

When a child dies our whole life changes. We lose friends and family members when we need them most. How sad for us, but it is much sadder for them. Although we would never have wanted it this way, grief makes us better people and better friends. Our loved one leaves us with many gifts. If you are on this bereavement journey alone, take my hand and I will walk with you my friend. The following poem was written by my dear friend Judy Boc and describes beautifully how we feel when we are deserted by our family and friends during our grieving process.

Help Me To Understand WHY?

Why after the loss of a loved one

The bonds of friendship become undone?

Is it because they fail to see

The pain ragin within me?

Do we become so different, so changed?

Are our thoughts deranged?

"Help me to understand Why?"

Have we changed so much, we can't see

The pain we are causing, unknowingly

What have I done, What have I said?

That being with me, you have come to dread

Is it the person who was, fails to continue to be?

The person you expect to see?

"Help me to understand WHY?"

Am I cruel, am I mean?

Have I done things to you, only you have seen?

Have I broken your heart?

If so talking about it would be a start

Help, for I need to see

What in the world I have done to thee?

"Help me to understand WHY?"

I have tried to survive each passing day

In my own way

Purpose of life, to survive this pain

For on this earth, I must remain

My life has been shattered, broken in two

This I have tried to explain to you

Help me to understand WHY?'

I will go on day to day

Staying out of your way

I will do what I need to do

I can not continue to worry about you

Wishing you well, a joyful life

I am sorry, but I must end this strife


-Judy Boc- In Loving Memory Of Robbie Boc

If You Are Certain That He Lives On, Then Why Do You Grieve?

I grieve for what I have lost and for all that might have been. I will never know if he would have gone to university, gotten married or had children. I will never again run my fingers through his hair, hug him, kiss him. I cannot look at him and feel proud that he is my son. I can not say "Hi how was your day?", ever again. I cannot run to him to share something special with him that only he would understand. I grieve because he was my child. I gave birth to him and I buried him all within 13 years. I know he is happy and yet I want to see him just one more time. I want to tell him that I love him, I miss him, and that I will forever be sorry that I took him for granted. I thought I had so much more time with him. And yet, I think he knows all this and more.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the gentle autumn's rain,

When you awaken in the morning hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush.

Of quiet birds in circled flight,

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there

I did not die.

Author Unknown

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;

It rains, and the wind is never weary;

The vine still clings to the moldering wall,

But at every gust the dead leaves fall,

And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;

It rains, and the wind is never weary;

My thoughts still cling to the moldering Past,

But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,

And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;

Thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall,

Some days must be dark and dreary

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Trees

The trees are coming into leaf

Like something almost being said;

The recent buds relax and spread,

Their greenness is a kind of grief.

Is it that they are born again

And we grow old?

No, they die too.

Their yearly trick of looking new

Is written down in rings of grain.

Yet still the unrusting castles thresh

In full grown thickness every May.

Last year is dead, they seem to say,

Begin afresh, afresh, afresh.

-Phillip Larkin


Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow.

-Langston Hughes

Nothing can fill the gap when we are far away from those we love, and it would be wrong to try and find anything. We must simply hold out and win through. That sounds hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, since leaving the gap unfilled preserves the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; he does not fill it, but keeps it empty so that our communion with another may be kept alive, even at the cost of pain.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

There is not one life which the Life-giver ever loses out of His sight; not one which sins so that He casts it away; not one which is not near to Him that whatever touches it touches Him with sorrow or with joy.

-Phillips Brooks

All I know from my own experience is that the more loss we feel the more grateful we should be for whatever it was we had to lose. It means we had something worth grieving for. The one's I'm sorry for are the ones who go through life not even knowing what grief is.

-Frank O'Connor

Piece by piece, I re-enter the world. A new phase. A new body, a new voice. Birds console me by flying, trees by growing, dogs by the warm patch they leave on the sofa. Unknown people merely by performing their motions. It's like a slow recovery from an illness, the recovery of one's self.

-Toby Talbot

In desperate hope I go and search for her in all the corners of my house. I find her not.

My house is small and what once has gone from it can never be regained.

But infinite is thy mansion, my lord, and seeking her I have come to thy door.

-Rabindranath Tagore

For all parents who have lost a child ( not only a son but a daughter as well) I have found this passage from The Bahai' most comforting.

171. O thou beloved maid-servant of God, although the loss of a son is indeed heart-breaking and beyond the limits of human endurance, yet one who knoweth and understandeth is assured that the son hath not been lost but, rather, hath stepped from this world to another, and she will find him in the divine realm. That reunion shall be for eternity, while in this world separation is inevitable and bringeth with it a burning grief.

Praise be unto God that thou hast faith, art turning thy face toward the everlasting Kingdom and believest in the existence of a heavenly world. Therefore be thou not disconsolate, do not languish, do not sigh, neither wail nor weep; for agitation and mourning deeply affect his soul in the divine realm.

That beloved child addresseth thee from the hidden world: O' thou kind mother, thank divine Providence that I have been freed from a small and gloomy cage and, like the birds of the meadows, have soared to the divine world--- a world which is spacious, illumined, and ever gay and jubilant. Therefore, lament not, O mother, and be not grieved; I am not of the lost, nor have I been obliterated and destroyed. I have shaken off the mortal form and have raised my banner in the spiritual world. Following this separation is everlasting companionship. Thou shalt find me in the heaven of the Lord, immersed in an ocean of light.'

This poem is called "Prom Night". The author is unknown. I will always be sad and will always regret that I was not with my son when he died. I brought him into the world, and never thought I would live to see him leave it. This poem reflects what I needed to hear when my son died. "Mom you did the best you could, it was not your fault."

Prom Night I went to a party, Mom,

I remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink, Mom,

So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,

The way you said I would.

I didn't drink and drive, Mom,

Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,

I know you are always right.

Now the party is finally ending, Mom,

As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,

I knew I'd get home in one piece.

Because of the way you raised me,

So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,

But as I pulled out into the road,

The other car didn't see me, Mom,

And hit me like a load.

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,

I hear the policeman say,

The other guy is drunk, Mom,

And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom.

I wish you'd get here soon.

How could this happen to me, Mom?

My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,

And most of it is mine.

I hear the medic say, Mom,

I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,

I swear I didn't drink.

It was the others, Mom.

The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I

The only difference is, he drank and I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom?

It can ruin your whole life.

I'm feeling sharp pains now.

Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,

And I don't think it's fair.

I'm lying here dying and all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.

Tell Daddy to be brave.

And when I go to heaven, Mom,

Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave

Someone should have told him, Mom,

Not to drink and drive.

If only they had told him, Mom,

I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.

I'm becoming very scared.

Please don't cry for me, Mom.

When I needed you, you were always there.

I have one last question, Mom,

Before I say good bye.

I didn't drink and drive,

So why am I the one to die?

I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infiniteley rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.

-Isak Dinesen

Help thy brother's boat across, and Lo! Thine own has reached the shore.

-Hindu Proverb

And can it be that in a world so full and busy, the loss of one weak creature makes a void in any heart, so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!

-Charles Dickens

When it is dark enough you can see the stars.

-Charles Dickens

Fathers grieve too. I often wonder how bereaved fathers cope. They are often the forgotten mourner. When my son died people would ask, "How is she doing?" Why did they never ask Tyler's father how he was doing? He hurts too. He loves and misses his son. Men are expected to act strong and hide their tears when disaster strikes. I believe men kill themselves more than women because women can cry and let it out. Men have to hide their pain and keep it to themselves. For some boys and men holding in all that pain has fatal consequences. When are we going to realize that it takes more courage for a man to cry then it does for him to keep it all inside?

Men Do Cry

I heard quite often "Men Don't Cry"

Though no one ever told me why.

So when I fell and skinned a knee

No one came by to comfort me.

And when some bully boy at school

Would pull a prank so mean and cruel

I'd quickly learn to turn and quip,

"It doesn't hurt" and bite my lip.

So as I grew to reasoned years

I learned to stifle any tears.

Though "Be A Big Boy" it began

Quite soon I learned to "Be A Man".

And I could play that stoic role

While storm and tempest wracked my soul.

No pain or setback could there be

Could wrest one single tear from me.

Then one long night I stood nearby

And helplessly watched my son die.

And quickly learned to my surprise

That all that tearless talk was lies.

And still I cry and have no shame

I cannot play that "Big Boy Game".

And openly without remorse

I let my sorrow take it's course.

So those of you who can't abide

A man you've seen whose often cried,

Reach out to him with all your heart

As one who's life's been torn apart.

For men do cry when they can see

Their loss of immortality.

And tears will come in endless streams,

When mindless fate destroys their dreams.

-Ken Falk TCF /Northwest CT Chapter

In Loving Memory Of William Ellery Weiss
December 9th, 1970 - March 14th, 1996

This one's for the gentle boy

Who wrestles with his pain,

His easy-bruising tender heart,

And ever-active brain.

He feels much more than others do,

But then he tries to hide,

With laughter or bravado,

The gentle boy inside.

With wit and style and artifice

His secret's kept so well.

Who dreams the brave facade you see

Conceals some private Hell?

Meanwhile, the brutes live on and on

Their unexamined lives.

The low, the stupid, and the cruel,

The sluggish idiot thrives,

To fill the world with empty talk

And greed and hate and noise,

To breed, carouse, and make life Hell

For all the gentle boys.

Some gentle boys grow heartsick

And tired of this charade.

They blow themselves right off the Earth,

Or fight, then fail, then fade.

If you should love a gentle boy

There's little you can do.

If he decides his time has come,

He'll leave the Earth and you.

He cannot see that if he goes

You'll never fill that space.

You'll spend your whole life searching

For that laugh, that kiss, that face.

How can the gentle boy not know

You love him beyond death,

You'd help him any way you could,

Unto your dying breath?

Someday when justice reigns on Earth

We all may greet with joy

A world where it won't hurt so much

To be a gentle boy.

-Mary Withers , William's Mom

Please Visit William's Memorial


Not Waving but Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning;

I was out much further than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he's dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said.

Oh,no,no,no,it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning.

-Stevie Smith

It takes more than will power to stop thinking of someone you have loved and lost. I could see that in the slump of his shoulders and the way that his feet were set close together. He had tried, in a burst of energetic resolve. But it would take more than that, to stop. Whatever new beauties he would discover in the world would still, for a long time and maybe for his whole life, not be quite enough to keep his memories away.

-Josephine Humphries

Grief dares us to love once more.

Written by: Terry Tempest Williams

Should his heart break and the grief pour out, it would flow over the whole earth, it seems, and yet, no one sees it.

-Anton Chekhov

To fashion an inner story of our pain carries us into the heart of it, which is where rebirth inevitably occurs.

-Sue Monk Kidd

People bring us well-meant but miserable consolations when they tell us what time will do with our grief. We do not want to lose our grief, because our grief is bound up with our love and we could not cease to mourn without being robbed of our affections.

-Phillips Brooks

Again rises from the heart of suffering the ancient cry, O God, why? O God how long? And the cry is met with silence.

-Jim Cotter

An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does.

-Terry Tempest Williams

Love....bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never ends. Corinthians 13:7-8

The plant grows in the mist and under clouds as truly as under sunshine.

-William Ellery Channing

Was he still hovering about the house at home, the essence of himself, and were I there wouldn't I perceive his presence?... I fought off the mighty yearning to go in search of him, wherever he was. For surely he was looking for me too. We were ill at ease, always, when apart. But where are the pathways?

-Pearl Buck

When you find yourself overpowered by melancholy, the best way is to go out and do something kind to somebody.

Written by: John Keble

There is no question of getting beyond it. The little boat enters the dark fearful gulf and our only cry is to escape--"put me on land again." But it is useless. Nobody listens. The shadowy figure rows on. One ought to sit still and uncover one's eyes.

-Katherine Mansfield

I knew that... the full acceptance of the finality of loss, and all the pain that goes with it, need not diminish life but could give it a new quality of fulfillment. I also knew that this could not be achieved without going through the agonies of grief and mourning.

-Lily Pincus

We all have a season of grief. Mine is in the spring. March is when Tyler died. This passage by poet Robert Frost captures how I feel during my season of grief.


The sun was warm but the wind was chill.

You know how it is with an April day,

When the sun is out and the wind is still,

You're one month on in the middle of May.

But if you so much as dare to speak

A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,

A wind comes off a frozen peak,

And your two months back in the middle of March......

For Ty

Each busy street is empty

Every river dry

Yet all my pain would fill them

If I had to say goodbye.

Every note is empty

Every song unheard

I thought to make them sing again

If I only said the word.

And so I say it softly

I say it with desire,

A hope to have him near again

I wish to see my Tyler.

Now I know what he has known

What has been all along,

Nearer than I ever dreamed

The body of each song.

With me every morning

To every path I'm lead,

He holds my hand across each street

And sees me safe to bed.

He loves me every second

And he hopes that I'm okay,

Thinking first of someone else

Will always be his way.

-Auntie Angie

May is the best month of the year. May has flowers. All different colors. All of them smell beautiful. May will also be my birthday. All the grass has grown, and everything smells nice. May is the beautifullest month of the year.


I fight with my sister because she has post menstrual syndrome 24 hours a day. -Tyler

Gentle spirit,

Free in flight

A loving presence in the night.

Soft whispers echo through my soul,

Too young to leave your earthly role,

Silent tears held just below,

An aching longing I love you so.

Will flow through me

Soft and sweet,

Until the day that we shall meet


-Ty's mom

The Prayer Of The Chalice

Father,to Thee I raise my whole being

~a vessel emptied of self. Accept Lord,

this my emptiness, and so fill me with

Thyself~ The Light, Thy Love, Thy

Life~ that these Thy Precious Gifts

may radiate through me and over ~

flow the chalice of my heart into

the hearts of all with whom I

come in contact this day

revealing unto them

the beauty of

Thy Joy






of Thy Peace

which nothing can destroy.

If you have an after-death communication you would like to share with me, or if you are in need of bereavement support, please contact me at

Thank-you for visiting my site. Please sign my guest book. I appreciate your comments!!

Please note: To all of you who have signed my guest book, I thank-you from the bottom of my heart. Your beautiful words have comforted and encouraged me. My e-mail is not working properly. I cannot access your e-mail to thank-you. Please e-mail me at: so that I can personally thank-you. Please sign my guest book it means a great deal to me :)



Starry, starry night

Paint your palette blue and gray

Look out on a summer's day

With eyes that know the darkness in my soul...

Shadows on the hills

Sketch the trees and the daffodils

Catch the breeze and the winter chills

In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand

What you tried to say, to me

And how you suffered for your sanity

And how you tried to set them free:

They would not listen; they did not know how --

Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night

Flaming flowers that brightly blaze

Swirling clouds in violet haze

Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue

Colors changing hue

Morning fields of amber grain

Weathered faces lined in pain

Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand

What you tried to say, to me

And how you suffered for your sanity

And how you tried to set them free:

They would not listen; they did not know how--

Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you

But still, your love was true

And when no hope was left inside

On that starry, starry night

You took your life as lovers often do--

But I could've told you, Vincent:

This world was never meant

For one as beautiful as you.

Starry, Starry night

Portraits hung in empty halls

Frameless heads on nameless walls

With eyes that watch the world and can't forget

Like the strangers that you've met

The ragged men in ragged clothes

The silver thorn, a bloody rose

Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know

What you tried to say, to me

And how you suffered for your sanity

And how you tried to set them free:

They would not listen; they're not listening still--

Perhaps they never will.

[Vincent van Gogh (1853-1890) Dutch Painter]

-Don Mclean

It is not possible for us to know each other except as we manifest ourselves in distorted shadows to the eyes of others. We do not even know ourselves; therefore, why should we judge a neighbor? Who knows what pain is behind virtue and what fear behind vice? No one, in short, knows what makes a man, and only God knows his thoughts, his joys, his bitternessess, hi agony, the injustices committed against him and the injustices he commits.

....God is too inscrutable for our little understanding. After sad meditation it comes to me that all that lives, whether good or in error, mournful or joyous, obscure or of gilded reputation, painful or happy, is only a prologue to love beyond the grave, where all is understood and almost all is forgiven.



When Tyler died, I donated his organs so that his last gift would be to give someone the gift of life. Tyler's heart valves were used to save the life of a 27 year old woman. His eyes gave vision to two people.


Please visit my friend Claire's page. She is an inspiration :)
Claire's Living Related Kidney Transplant UK Site

This award was presented to me by Bob and Judy Boc who operate the web-site Meeting Of Hearts. I am honored and deeply touched. I will be forever grateful to the Boc's who have shown so much love, support and comfort to the bereaved. I accept this award in Loving Memory Of Tyler Gerrit Edward Boonstra and his buddy Robbie Boc.

Please visit Dylon's site. Dylon is the precious child of Natasha, and one of two of my grandchildren :)

Dylon Tyler

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This beautiful award was created in memory of Tyler with the help of my beloved Chris. If you have lost a loved one and would like this award for your web page, please contact me

This Empty Arms Ring site is owned by Lenora.

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